Cry with me, not for me
Crying and tears are a natural response to emotions. I’ve always been a “crier”. Until the last 15 years, most of my tears have been positive, feel-good tears - hearing someone’s good news, for example, will always stir up a few tears in the corner of my eye.
Sometimes it’s embarrassing to be a crier - it’s like my emotions have a literal connection to my tear ducts and it doesn’t take much to trigger them. I think tears often make others uncomfortable (especially grief tears). Many of us grew up in the era of:
Don’t cry
Stop crying
You have nothing to cry about
Stop crying or I’ll give you a reason to cry
Boys don’t cry
Big girls don’t cry
Fortunately, I think society has changed enough that today’s parents are helping their kids understand tears are healthy and natural.
Since Keven’s teens, I’ve seen many young men and women (mostly guys, just because I’ve been around them more) openly cry without shame - it’s a beautiful thing. Anthony and Keven both cried when they needed to. As heartbreaking as their tears were, I was always relieved to see they were letting them out.
Suppressing our tears causes a buildup of good old cortisol (stress response hormone) and sends your body into fight-or-flight mode. Cortisol slows down your breathing, which creates tension in your throat - you know that feeling, the lump in the throat, it hurts! This is not good for our bodies, especially our hearts.
Our bodies actually get rid of toxins when we cry! Emotional tears produce an endorphin that reduces pain and improves your mood - who doesn’t want that? A good cry really can make you feel better.
Consider asking yourself today -
When was the last time you had a “good cry”, did you feel better after?
Do you hold back your tears or let them flow?
Do you feel embarrassed to cry in public?
Were you taught to “stop crying” or “don’t cry” as a child?
Do you feel uncomfortable around someone who’s crying?
What type of tears happen to you more naturally, the “joy response” or another type?
If you ever need a cry buddy - you know where to find me! Which reminds me of something else I’ll add real quick:
You know how we sincerely say to someone, “I am here for you 24/7, just call me if you need me?”
Do you have that person in your life? It’s been said to me, but there are only one or two people I’d actually wake up in the middle of the night if I desperately needed to talk. Of course my sister lives across the hall, so we have each other. Even though it’s hard to pick up the phone in the middle of the night, your person made the offer, so take them up on it if the darkness gets too much for you. With grief, it often does.
We’re in this thing together - life - and it’s going by so fast. We need each other. I rather lose sleep with you than find out you were in a lonely heartbreaking moment.
A friend of Anthony’s called me yesterday in tears and he immediately apologized for “bothering me again” and I immediately reminded him it was an honor and a privilege that he had reached out. I am a single older lady with tons of time on her hands - write or call me if you want to!
I hope everyone has an enjoyable week and weekend. Leave a comment even if it’s just to say “hello”. (Thanks in advance Clyde)