It's Been A Year

Keven 12/7/90 - 8/11/20 Anthony 12/15/87 - 9/7/15

I haven't written here in a year. My life has changed drastically in the last two years, even moreso than when I lost my son, Keven, in 2020. I don't feel like writing anymore. I feel I have things to share but don't have the ability communicate anything helpful.

To be honest - I hate this time of year. Holidays depress me, especially December.

After writing two books I thought I'd keep going, at least here if not another book. If I had the money, I would revise "Keven's Choice" to make it much more consice. I still stand by the message that we need to better understand those with mental health challenges and substance use order, have more compassion and provide much better treatement.

Losing my sister in Nov. 2023 took me to a very dark place. It was not only losing her, but felt like losing Keven a second time since she was my co-parent and she loved and knew him like I do.

Then I met Raymond. Never in a billion years did I think I would fall in love again. But I didn. Our relationship is complicated in many ways - except for the impoprtant things like the LOVE, trust, compatability, and all the good things.

I don't know if anyone will read this, but that's fine. I'm writing to try and get back in the habit. To see if I can pull some words out that I feel are important enough to share.

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Just for fun I cut and paste this post into Chat GPT to see how AI would write it. I have a love/hate relationship with AI. Hate that its making things too easy and elinimating the need for thinking and being creative. Love that it write me a legal document in a matter of seconds that I used for an issue I'm dealing with.

Here is how it rewrote this post:

It’s been a whole year since my last entry, and what a transformative year it has been. My life has undergone profound changes over the past two years, more so than ever when I lost my beloved son, Keven, in 2020. Writing no longer feels like the refuge it once was; I have so much to share yet struggle to find the words that resonate and truly convey what I feel inside.

After penning two books, I envisioned continuing my journey, at least sharing snippets here if not crafting another full-length work. If finances permitted, I would love to revise "Keven's Choice" to create a more concise narrative. My belief in the message remains steadfast: we must foster a deeper understanding of those grappling with mental health issues and substance use, extend compassion, and advocate for improved treatment.

In November 2023, I faced the heartbreak of losing my sister, which plunged me into an abyss of grief. It felt eerily akin to losing Keven all over again; she was not just my sister but also my co-parent, entwined in the love we shared for him.

Then, unexpectedly, I met Raymond. If you’d told me I would fall in love again, I would have scoffed in disbelief—but here we are. Our relationship is complicated in many respects, yet it thrives on the essentials: love, trust, compatibility, and all the beautiful things that anchor us.

I’m uncertain if anyone will read these words, and honestly, that doesn’t matter much. I’m writing to rekindle my habit, to see if I can extract the vital thoughts and feelings swirling within me that are worthy of sharing.

This sounds nothing like me. Yuk.

Peace and love to all....if you read this, thank you for stopping by!!!