Rollercoaster Road of Addiction
When Keven was actively using (in other words, almost all the time) my first thought every morning was, “I hope he makes it through another day”. Life was chaotic, stressful, and exhausting. In the early days I wrote a blog called “The Needle and the Damage Done”.
I’ve done this before, and here it is again - some blog posts about what was happening in earlier years from blog excerpts. My current comments are in red.
For all the parents I know that are still living this way - my heart goes out to you. If you need someone to talk to, let me know! I’m here to listen.
July 29, 2011
Speaking of the boy - I won’t bother telling you the latest drama (it’s tempting because it was pretty wild), I’ll just hit the bottom line: He’s at a Recovery Ranch in another county. He was in the cardiac unit of a hospital recently and has suffered heart damage from his drug use. Another reason to stop now - before it’s serious.
It’s a good thing I didn’t know then how serious it would get. One day at a time was the only way to live.
July 29, 2012
He OD’d again.
Was on life support, in the hospital as a John Doe. When he could finally speak he told them who he was and called me. I hadn’t seen him in two days, so I knew something was wrong.
His “friends” left him for dead in an alley behind a Walgreens in Huntington Beach. Thankfully, an employee saw him and called 911 before it was too late.
July 29. 2013
He’s going to work, doing all the stuff he should be doing. He’s still sociable and friendly. It’s like he’s not even using, but he is. He buys some every time he gets paid and makes it last as long as he can. He’s still on Suboxone, but you know how it is - he’s figured out the days to skip the Subs then he uses, then when he runs out of dope he has the Subs to keep him from getting sick.
He had several months sober when he got this job. It was the most time he’s ever had. Then they hired another young man who was a heroin user. Keven told me “you can always tell when you meet someone else that uses, its like a six sense.” He eventually got fired from his one and only job.
July 29, 2014
Keven is doing good!
I feel, for the first time in years, that he may be done using. There are several reasons for this and I won’t go into them to protect his privacy, but the main thing that has made the difference this time is JEFF. (Jeff is the guy that has committed to being Keven’s mentor and sees him twice a week, takes him to church, talks with him, etc.) Kev has had no one voluntarily take an interest in him and care about him on this level. And Jeff is the perfect role model: He has integrity, he’s peaceful, calm, confident and a brilliant man.
A month after this, Keven started using again. Jeff offered to take him to a rehab one night when I refused to let him in the house. Jeff let him stay the night at his home with his wife and three kids. Keven used in their bathroom. Even though he respected this man and was grateful for him, he risked it all to get high.
July 29, 15
So I guess I was naïve to think that everything was just going well for Kev. It seemed too good to be true at this point in time.
Let’s just say he has to learn to grow up, accept that he can’t always have his way, and that he needs to submit to authority even if he doesn’t like it because we all do that in life. He needs to stop thinking he’s in control.
Reading this causes me to feel guilt. I did my best, but I failed along the way. I write about it in my book, there’s an entire chapter on guilt.
July 29, 2016
Prison has been the worst experience in Keven’s life (and one of the worst in mine watching what it’s done to him). If I could change one thing about our country, it would be total prison reform. Right now it’s a frigging joke. The guards (some not all of course) are just as bad as the other inmates, bringing in drugs and phones and whatever. I’ve had quite a lesson in what really goes on in there.
My next book (if I decide to write it) is going to be about CDCR (California Dept. of Corrections and Rehabilitation) and how they need to take the word “rehabilitation” out of their name. I know many people with lots of prison time - the book will be interviews with them.
As always, thanks for reading! Don’t forget to send me an email or drop me a comment to enter to win a copy of “The Epiphany Project”!